16.4

It has to be tonight.

Do it now.

The flawed tape had been the final straw – there was no looking back. It just had to be done –

Or else you will regret it forever.

You will find it impossible to live with yourself.

You will forever think of yourself as a failure… a coward.

When he returned to the slab they were all sleeping.

Like an automaton, now acting purely on the impulse of fate, Max began the process – slowly gathering his bits and pieces together and piling them together in a heap on the slab.

Eventually he took out his passport – the Australian passport that he’d always thought the best in the world. He opened it and looked at the photograph. An innocent face looked back at him – the face of a young professional footballer, a face that had never even heard of renunciation.

He looked into the eyes – naïve, but untroubled and calm – unaware of the possibility of ever witnessing God.

You’ve come a long way.

But don’t get sentimental…

You’ve still got a long way to go.

He threw the passport on the pile.

Good-bye mate, good luck.

The two lunghis he was wearing would be all he would take. He’d have to make his renunciation as quick as possible – a mad rush for God. It had to be that way – you’ll never survive a long struggle.

Go hard at it from the outset – push yourself relentlessly until something happens. This was the only way for him. God was either going to be there or not – end of story.

He took out the wad of money and placed it on top of the pile.

That’s it!

“I renounce the world.”